Dear Baby Girl Harris.....

I had been so vigilant about writing during your brother's pregnancy that I feel pretty bad that this is the first time I've done it for you.  Let me tell you how busy your brother keeps me!  I'm sure it will only get more busy around here once you get here.  Your daddy and I are so excited to meet you and see who you look like.  We are a bit nervous to have a baby girl.  The unknown is what has us a bit anxious.  Over the past few months I have had raging acid reflux/heartburn.  I had it with Jackson but it seems so much worse with you!  I have to take medication for it just about every day, it's a celebration if I don't.  I feel pretty good this pregnancy.  It's a little hard to keep up with your brother sometimes, he sure is quick, but other then that I'm feeling good.  I'm excited to meet you in person, but at the same time I know you are so much easier to care for while you are inside me.  I want to remember how much you move around.  Around 19 weeks I started feeling you move around and since then you have not stopped.  It feels like you are trying to set yourself free sometimes:)
For reasons beyond my control I've had to switch doctors at 34 weeks.  Believe me I was very concerned about this, but I think maybe it was God's way of putting me in another doctor's hands.  It seems like the new doctors are already more thorough than my previous doctor.  I am going for a growth ultrasound in a few days and I'm super excited to see you again.  It's been a few months since I've seen you.  They think you may already be 7 lbs and you still have 5 weeks to go before your due date!!  Your brother was a big baby, but I was hoping you would be smaller since you are a girl:)  My prayer is to go into labor on my own and not have a c-section, although I will do whatever the doctors say is best for you and I.  You are loved so much baby girl!  Even though you are not here yet, God knows you.  He knows the child you will become and the woman you will grow to be.  We are already so blessed to be your parents.  God has hand picked you for us and us for you, we can't help but be a perfect match!  We don't have a name for you yet.  Daddy and I can't agree on names.  We had a hard time with your brother's name too.  Hopefully God will reveal THE name to both of us before you get here.

It's been a while...... April 2012 Update

I think I need to just give up on maintaining a blog with weekly posts, maybe quarterly posts would be more likely:)  Life just gets away from me sometimes and I think I would rather enjoy some time with my hubby and my boy outside than sit at the computer and write.  Although, I do find peace in venting on here.
My sweet boy is going to be a big brother in a little over a month and I'm not sure I'm ready for that.  I know I have to be, but I cannot imagine sharing my love and attention with another.  I think I felt that way when Jackson was born and somehow it works out and I know it will work out again, it's just the anticipation that gets to me.  There are days when Jackson and I struggle spending the day together, but I cannot put into words how much I love that baby boy.  In spite of teething, stubbornness, and fits of rage he is my world.  He is getting his one year molars and incisors and there was a day last week when I thought that I can't do this anymore, I want to get a job and someone else can deal with him.  Then I started thinking how would someone else handle this super fussy baby.  Would they get frustrated with him, would they just put him in the corner to cry?  Then I couldn't imagine anyone else caring for him during these difficult times.  I know he may act different with someone else than he would me, but either way he would have fussy days.  Even if it was my mom, I know she would be frustrated with him.  Being a stay-at-home-mom is without a doubt the hardest job I've ever had.  Sometimes I think people have these visions of SAHMs sitting on the couch watching tv all day while the children run around like little monsters.  Even with just one child, I do not get that opportunity.  Jackson loves to watch tv, so we are very limited in the amount of tv we can watch and we have to be very careful what we watch.  He repeats everything!!  I love that he is so verbal because he's able to tell us what he wants and not just whine, although he still does that from time to time.
I recently found out that my current OB is no longer delivering at the hospital where I had Jackson.  He is only delivering at a hospital that I have not heard good things about.  I know, 34 weeks and I'm changing doctors!!  I was very frustrated and I was even more irritated when the nurse told me, "I don't know why you didn't know Dr. L does not deliver at that hospital".  Why would I even think to ask if he still delivers there when I hear it on the hold message when I call the office??  Needless to say I was super frustrated, but I feel like this is maybe God's way of putting me in the hands of a different doctor.  Ultimately He is in control and I know He has Baby Girl Harris and I in the palm of His hand.  It's hard to reign in the control freak that is in me in situations like this.

Things I need to remember when the new baby gets here:
1.  You were super emotional the 2 weeks after Jackson was born, don't expect it to be any different with this one.  It will get better and it's ok to cry!
2.  Nursing was hard to get the hang of in the beginning, just be patient.  At least this time only one of you is a newbie:)  There are times when it's uncomfortable, I don't care what any nursing books say.
3.  You will be exhausted!  There is no getting around that, just remember it is only for a season.  Before you know it she'll be sleeping through the night.
4.  You felt disconnected from  your husband.  It's kind of inevitable considering the situation, but remember it gets so much better.  This time try your best to get away and have a date night, even if it's a mini date more often.  Don't wait until the baby is older to do it.  Your marriage will be better for it.
5.  Remember God has blessed you and Josh with this baby, so He will give you the wisdom to raise her.  Do what you think is right!  Your mom, friends, nurses may tell you different, but you are her mom and Josh is her dad.  Everyone has their opinion!

I think that's most of it, but I'll add to this list if I remember anything I have forgotten.  It seems like such a long time ago that we had a newborn!

The Holidays 2011

I cannot believe it's 2012!!  I feel like the holidays totally snuck up on me this year, although I was able to do more baking and fun stuff like that since Jackson is older.  I had determined that this year we would spend Christmas Eve with one family and Christmas day with the other, however I did not get my wish.  We were once again celebrating 3 (including our own) Christmases in one day.  It worked out better than I thought it would, but it just makes for a draining day.  Jackson still wasn't into opening gifts, he would rather play with the ripped up wrapping paper.  He did get some gifts he really liked and other, he couldn't care less about.  It's funny because I thought he would for sure like one toy and not another and then he totally switched things up on me!  He was not really into this horse and still isn't.  Hopefully as he gets bigger he'll like it more.

We also went to Schnepf Farms.  They didn't have a festival or anything like that, but they were open for kids to play and we went on the train.  Jackson had a lot of fun and was ready for a nap when we got home.

My grandparents were here, and Jackson loved them!  I'm so happy that they we able to travel and be here with us during the holidays!
We didn't do anything exciting for New Year's.  In fact, I didn't even stay up til midnight.  I was exhausted and we had to get up early for church the next day.
Another exciting thing that we found out is that we are having a baby girl!!  A few weeks before my 20 week ultrasound I had a dream that I had a girl.  Up until then I had not had any feeling either way as to the gender of this baby.  I even went to the store and bought a pack of girl onesies just to show I had faith in my dream:)  Sure enough, we're having a girl!!  Josh had seen a friend with his daughter and mentioned how he thought it would be fun to have a girl next.  I know he's nervous and I am too, not so much about the girl part, just about having another baby.  I know it will be exciting though!!

The Holidays!!

I absolutely love everything about the holidays, starting with Thanksgiving.  I love the decorations, the smells, the food, the parties, and everything else.  This year I feel like I am not living in a haze like I was last year with a newborn.  I'm excited to find babysitters and get out of the house with my hubby.  Lately it has become very important to me for us to have date nights and time to hang out with other adults without our children.  Time like this helps me to remember why I fell in love with Josh.  It is so easy to see each other as roommates if you're not careful.  When Jackson was a newborn I remember crying and telling Josh that I felt like we were so disconnected.  Before we had a baby it seemed like everyone was telling us not to forget your date nights and make time to be alone and cherish each other without the baby.  I remember smiling and thinking sure, whatever.  Now I know!!  It was so hard to leave Jackson in the beginning, even with my mom.  I just didn't want to leave him, especially since I was breastfeeding.  Then you have to make sure you have a pumped bottle and enough to get you through the time you'll be gone.  I was, and probably still am, a bit of a neurotic mom:)  I'm doing better and I'm excited to say we have a date night this week and next week!!  Last night Josh was already talking about when he retires and we're "empty-nesters":)  Children are such a blessing and I love our baby with all my heart, but I need to remember not to forget my sweet, dear husband.


We finally got our tree up and it's decorated!!  I felt like I was so behind.  It seemed like everyone had their tree up before Thanksgiving.  I have done some Christmas shopping though.  Josh's family is all done and my family is left.  I still have no idea what to get them.  They are so hard to shop for.


We are babysitting my mom's dogs this week.  This experience has helped me to realize why I do not want a dog right now.  I'm sure I'll want one and maybe things are different when it's your own dog, but these dogs are driving me crazy.  I already have a one year old following me around the house, now I have a one year old and two dogs!!  Jackson loves them and wants to hug them all the time and they pretty much hate it.  I went to let them in, from the 36 degree outside, and when they got to the door and saw Jackson right there, they turned right back around and decided they would tough it out outside:)  It has definitely been an experience!!


Enjoy this time everyone because before we know it, it will be 2012!

Fall Catch-Up Post

Hi Friends,

I feel like so much has happened since I last posted, but then when it comes to writing it all down it seems as if I can't think of anything to write.  One bit of exciting news is that we are expecting again!  It's taken me some time to say anything about this.  I'm not sure why, but I guess I'm just being cautious in addition to being super busy with a very active one year old.  I am due in May, Jackson and the new baby will be 19 months apart.  I did have this period of complete freak out when I first found out.  I had said all along that I wanted another baby soon after Jackson, but when it all became real I started to question my thought process.  I think part of it was that I was completely exhausted and it was hard to entertain Jackson all the while being super nauseous.  I'm feeling better now, and I'm starting to tell friends.  I have been more emotional this time around, with Jackson I was just plain mean.  The nauseousness has not completely left and with Jackson I started to feel amazing around week 10.  Here we are at week 15 and I still have some super nauseous moments.  Maybe that's a good thing and I won't gain as much weight as I did with Jackson:)

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving at my parents' house.  I was thankful it wasn't at our house, I'm not a fan of the clean-up:)  It was nice to have both sets of parents in one place and not have 2 Thanksgiving dinners to go to.  I told my husband that it would just be too difficult to do 2 Thanksgivings and 2 Christmases with Jackson.  He's a great napper and he needs them!

We got pictures done and they turned out great!!

Here's a 2010 picture:

Here we are this year:

It's crazy how things change in a year!

One Year Ago......

A year ago my sweet baby boy was born.  It's hard to believe a year has already passed me by.  So many people told Josh and I that this time would fly by, but I had no idea just has fast.  I tried not to shed tears, but it was hard.  I did cry when I put him to bed the night before his birthday, knowing when I went in there the next day he would be one.  Someone at church has told me to rejoice in the milestones and I'm really striving to do that.  I'm so proud of the baby boy we have.  Even though he's one, I'm still going to call him my baby boy:)

His party is this weekend, but we wanted to do something special to celebrate his actual birthday.  He got a birthday cookie and he devoured it in seconds.  After it was gone he was trying to pick up individual sprinkles that had been left behind on his tray.  He's definitely a good eater when it's something he approves of.

He's been walking for a month now, but he still preferred crawling.  Just 2 days ago he started standing up without holding onto anything and then walking.  Before that he would walk, but when he fell he would crawl.

He really loved his big boy crown!

Happy Birthday Baby Boy!  I can't wait to see all that God has in store for you!

Hopeless Situations

On Sunday our pastor preached on Hopeless Situations.  I kind of went in to the whole thing thinking this was not for me.  You know how someone can talk for 5 seconds and you just know it won't apply to you and you sort of check out?  Well, that was me.  I would dig through my purse, I kept checking Jackson's number to see if I was being paged to the nursery, I was looking around and pretty much not paying attention.  This sermon just wasn't for me so I probably should just check out now.  I even thought of just going to the nursery to see how Jackson was doing, even though I knew he was fine.  Then I happened to hear something that caught my ear.  Pastor Brad asked, "Do you really believe what you say you believe?" I mean, we all say we believe in the Bible, but do you believe the WHOLE thing?  Then he went on to read Matthew 19:23-26.  Verse 26 is the kicker-"With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."  I should note that I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've heard this verse in my life.  Being raised in church, this verse is one of those key verses you hear quite often.  Then Pastor Brad said this,"well, if you believe that verse then there are no hopeless situations."  Then it felt like all these things came rushing back to me.  I had earlier that week called Josh crying because I was very concerned about finances.  I know in my head that God will provide, and I know that He has opened the door for me to be a stay-at-home-mom, but right at that moment it was like God was telling me, "see, you thought that was a hopeless situation."

I'm an accountant and I know money.  I handle our bills, but last week I dreaded paying bills and balancing the check book.  I knew the lack of income had finally hit us.  My husband works in a commission paid job, so there can be good months and bad months.  Over the summer, there were some bad months but all in all we were ok.  Then is seemed like all of our bills are due at the same time, so that makes things harder.  When I see our financial situation, I start thinking that maybe I didn't make the right decision, maybe I heard incorrectly, maybe I didn't understand the signs the right way.  It was easy for me to step out in faith when I knew we had a savings account that could sustain us if things didn't work out.  Now that savings account has taken a hit and I start questioning things.  It was easy for me to step out in faith knowing that I had an out.  It's like stepping out on the water with Jesus, but keeping your life jacket on-just in case.  Maybe God is just taking away that out and seeing how easy that step of faith is now.  I know God has never left me and never will.  Just when I think I've got the whole faith thing worked out, God decides to challenge me a bit further.  That stretching is incredibly uncomfortable, but needed.  I keep thinking of our Portland friends.  I remember telling Josh, how cool would that be to just pack up everything, not have a job in place, and just move?  I want to be to trust God like that!  Now, I feel like that is what I'm doing.

I really want to start doing bookkeeping from home, but I have no idea how to get started.  I keep praying that God will place the right people in my path and give me wisdom as to how to proceed with this idea.

In family news, my mom is not doing so great with her health.  She was recently diagnosed with Sjogren's Syndrome and Fibromyalgia.  She's in pain quite often and she's not used to relaxing.  The only medication that she can take puts her to sleep, so she really can't take that during the day.  I had been praying that she would make some friends that would be able to encourage her and maybe relate to her situation.  She has one friend now, and I feel like this friend is not uplifting but draining to her.  The very day I had prayed that for her she happened to talk to the person in line behind her at Michael's and this girl in her twenties also has Sjogren's.  How incredible is that?  Not that I wanted someone else to have Sjogren's, but for my mom to meet someone who can relate to what she's going through.  My mom said, "it's not like I have an open wound that people can see is painful, the pain is inside and no one understands."  I pray that this turns into a beautiful friendship for my mom.  It's hard to see her in pain and not able to do as much as she used to.  I know it's hard for her to.  She used to be up and going all day.  I'm even more thankful that I'm able to stay home now, because I don't think she could watch Jackson every day.

Even though we go through these struggles, I'm incredibly grateful for the family and friends we have who are so supportive and encouraging.  I know these struggles won't last forever and when they are over God will receive the glory.